Passing privilege? or Bi-erasure?

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Earlier we posted “Being Bi: What is lost/gained when passing as straight?” with thought-provoking insights from Timothy D.

Today Blaire Ostler steps up to the mic. In "More than a Statistic," Blaire explores what "passing privilege” means to her:

Passing privilege comes with erasure. If I pass as straight, then my authentic bisexual experience gets erased. Bisexuality comes with the trauma of being homosexual with the bonus of being told that because you have “hetero-passing privilege” your trauma isn’t worth acknowledgment or treatment.

Passing also seems to imply I’m getting away with something—that bisexuals are somehow being dishonest when we pass as heterosexual or homosexual. Passing is a verb that assumes I am doing something to deceive you of my sexual orientation. To compensate for this, in an effort to be completely honest, some bisexuals become overt about sharing their bisexual orientation. However, this can sometimes come off as being hypersexual. This puts bisexuals in a double bind. We’re either too sexual and overt about our orientation, or we are dishonest and trying to hide what we are. We must learn how to walk the tightrope of impossible social expectations to be the “right kind of bisexual.”

It’s no wonder bisexuals like myself suffer from crippling social anxiety. We’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t. We’re either constantly worrying about being “found out” or worrying about being perceived as a hypersexualized maniac. Every social situation puts us in a situation where we are either too honest or dishonest.

The reality is that my “passing privilege” is not my privilege—it’s my bi erasure. At least that’s how I experience it. It is emotionally exhausting being around monosexuals—so much so that I seek solitude over friendships. I grow tired of being misunderstood and erased while taking the blame from my so-called “passing privilege.” Sometimes it’s easier to be around no one than to meet new people, make new friends, and “come out” to strangers to avoid being accused of being dishonest (Blaire Ostler, "More than a Statistic," emphasis added, posted with permission).

Those are insights from Timothy D. and from Blaire Ostler. What do you think?