Book Review: “Without the Mask” by Charlie Bird, published by Deseret Book
by Marci McPhee
“I had asked God to change my nature, but I had never asked for guidance on how to honor it” (Charlie Bird, Without the Mask, Deseret Book, 2020, 10).
You may know Charlie Bird, the BYU mascot (Cosmo the Cougar) who exploded the sports mascot world with his dance moves, earning him national awards. His story, Without the Mask, adds to the growing body of gay LDS narratives in two unique, important ways:
1) Charlie makes sense of hurtful church teachings in this book published by none other than Deseret Book, the publishing arm of the church. I've heard similar sentiments expressed in different ways by others, but somehow bold sentences like these made it through the editing process:
I kept a running list of everything that Church leaders had ever said about 'homosexuality.' These words gutted me! They ripped my soul in two! I can't just pretend like it never happened.
Could it be that the men who said these things didn't fully understand what they were saying? What if, at the end of the day, they were imperfect humans like me, who sometimes let fear or prejudice influence what they said?
If Jesus could forgive those who drove nails into His wrists [Luke 23:34], maybe I could forgive those whose words had driven nails into my spirit. (pages 92-95)
I applaud Charlie’s willingness to extend grace. At the same time, I don’t overlook blind spots in others (or myself, for that matter). In fact, I'm actively working to see and to help others to see. (See my 2-page editor's foreword from the free book GayLDSCrossroads: My Journey, Your Journey, and a Scripture-based Path Forward.)
Charlie’s grounded and nuanced frankness adds the weight of Deseret Book to the conversation about gay Latter-day Saints.
2) The second way this book adds to the conversation is Charlie exuberantly celebrating his gay identity. While he is certainly not the only one who feels this way, Charlie is exceptionally unabashed in his celebration: “I have seen great blessings that have stemmed from me being gay” (page 122), including this memorable story:
Recently I visited a friend’s congregation just north of Salt Lake City. I [sat] on a metal chair in the overflow section. I noticed a small girl in the row ahead of me. She had taken out a pack of art supplies and a coloring book. After coloring in her first rose, she stared at her colored pencils. She looked back and forth from the pencils to the mostly blank page for a while, then scanned the room around her. I watched her, now interested in which color she would choose for the next flower. She looked back at me often, meeting my gaze. Finally, she confidently reached her hand through the back of her chair and tapped me on the knee.
“You know what color to use, don’t you,” she said, more of a statement than a question. She climbed through her chair and held her box of colored pencils up to my eyes. “Will you help me decide?”
I was taken aback by her intuition and humbled by her immediate trust in me, even though I was a fully grown, male stranger. I was also really excited that she had asked for my advice, because I had been looking at the colors too, and I knew exactly which ones she should use.
“What about these two?” I suggested. “I think they would look pretty together, and they go really well with the colors you already used.” She spent the rest of the meeting in the chair next to me, and together the two of us worked to finish her coloring page of stained-glass roses. When the meeting ended, the little girl hugged my knees and ran off to Primary, her newly finished coloring page in hand. Her mom thanked me quickly, then went to accompany her daughter to class.
“That was amazing! It’s like she knew you were gay!” said my friend, almost in disbelief. “She, like, read your soul and trusted you immediately.”
“How could she know I was gay? She doesn’t even know what that means,” I countered.
“Maybe what everyone else labels as gay she just sees as safe, helpful, and creative,” my friend replied. (pages 84-85, emphasis added)
Let me repeat that: “Maybe what everyone else labels as gay, [this little girl] just sees as safe, helpful, and creative.”
I had the honor of hearing Charlie speak at a Hearth fireside on August 23, 2020. I asked him something like, “could you have lit up the mascot world with your dancing if you hadn’t been gay?” Charlie responded with something like “No way!”
On page 161 of the book, Charlie requests: “Please use me as a point of reference, not a poster child.” I’ll try, Charlie, but honestly, your face is among those I’d like to see on my poster. This short (162 page) book is well worth the read.
(Note: quotes above are edited for length)
