My First Affirmation Conference: thoughts on Church Leaders session 2020

by Marci McPhee

affirmation.org

Bookending the first day of My First Affirmation Conference was music. The first thing I heard when I tuned in was “This is Me.” The last session ended with “God Be With You Till we Meet Again.” Yeah. The Greatest Showman to the Tabernacle Choir.

Affirmation’s motto is “Connecting LGBTQ Mormons to a Worldwide Community of Support.” Conference presenters included filmmakers, authors and artists, seminary teachers and former bishops, spanning the spectrum of sexualities and gender identities, with varying current relationships with the church. Presenters in Brazil, Utah, Arizona and other locations spoke in English, Spanish and Portuguese, for five weekend days in Sept/Oct 2020.

Scanning my thick notes (my friends know what I’m talking about), let me “Zoom” in on just one session (pardon the pun).

Author and former stake presidency member Evan Smith moderated a well-attended, heartfelt session designed specifically for church leaders to explore how to better support LGBTQ folks in their congregations. That session recording will be publicly available after Oct 14, 2020 on the Affirmation website in English, Spanish and Portuguese. Here are my favorite one-liners from each presenter:

Ben Schilaty, openly gay, current high councilor and BYU Honor Code Administrator, suggested much more listening and less judging. He suggested that church leaders ask “What do I need to know and understand to serve you better?”

Valerie Nicole Green, a transgender woman who remains active in the church, widow, father and grandfather, said, “You deserve to be loved for who you are, not who they think you are, or who they wish you were, or who they thought you were. People can’t love you for who you are if they don’t know who you are.”

Richard Ostler, former bishop, author, and host of the Listen, Learn and Love podcast, said “I thought I was the rescuer for LGBTQ members of my ward. But they are rescuing me, teaching me things that my straight friends never taught me, about grace and love and being Christlike.”

Summer Lee-Corry, co-author of Come Out, Stay Out, and a married lesbian LDS woman, came out in a sacrament meeting talk. The bishop’s response? “We need you here.” The Relief Society president’s response? She brought her flowers.

Evan got the last word: “I hope we can all love better.”