“The closet is only for clothes”: 5-question interview with Alejandro Alcántara, Latin America Affirmation coordinator

We’re delighted that Alejandro Alcántara agreed to this five-question interview! He’s the first Latin America coordinator of Affirmation.

1. Tell us about your journey.

I was born in a beautiful city called Tepeji del Rio in Mexico. Ever since I was a child I was excited to be a missionary and preach the gospel. When it was time to prepare for my mission, I was very confused because I found out that I liked boys.

I considered not being a missionary and confessing to my church leaders what I felt, but I did not. I focused a lot on being a good missionary and making my family proud of me. I tried very hard and the feelings I had about being attracted to men seemed to disappear.

When I was released and faced real life again, I met a boy who seemed beautiful to me. We became friends, and as time went by I had stronger feelings for him. I felt very confused. I stopped going to church for a time since I felt like the worst person.

Everything changed when I kissed that boy that I liked so much for the first time. He and I became boyfriends. Although I was very happy for that, I also felt sad for having to hide all that happiness. As my relationship was getting stronger and it was very difficult for me to hide all that emotion, I decided to tell my parents about my dating. At first they did not understand it and I suffered a lot because they reacted very badly. I had days when I cried a lot and my family too.

Some years have passed since this happened. That happiness should never be hidden. I’m glad that I had the courage to show my family what I wanted for me. They were afraid that I would become someone else. But they realized that I was the same. What did change after opening up to them is that I became a person with more confidence and self-love. Regarding the church, now I go regularly. Those feelings of guilt left when I confirmed through different personal tests that I am important to Heavenly Father.

2. What have you learned from your participation in Affirmation Mexico so far?

I found Affirmation in 2014 through an internet search, trying to find more members of the church who identified with me. I was excited to receive more information and little by little I was getting to know more people who identified with me. One day I received an invitation to be part of the organizing committee of the Affirmation conference in Mexico, with the slogan “We are all equal before God.”I think that was the first thing I learned: although we are all different in the way we act, think, express ourselves and even the way we see ourselves, we are all important and every voice deserves to be heard.

I have learned from other members in Affirmation that no matter what process you face coming out of the closet, being yourself makes you stronger and more capable of facing the trials and challenges of life. I have learned a lot about the value of friendship and companionship. I have made very good friends in Affirmation by helping within the organization, first as regional leader, then as Vice President of Affirmation in Mexico, and now as Latin American coordinator. Not everything has been easy, especially as the COVID 19 pandemic has kept us physically apart. Affirmation has often been a place of refuge for me.

3. What particular challenges does the LGBTQ community face in Latin America?

Unfortunately there is still a lot of homophobia in Latin American countries. Some members of the church are not afraid to show their rejection of those who decide to live a life different from what they believe is the right thing to do. We constantly hear stories from church members who have decided to tell their leaders that they feel attracted to a person of the same sex and are discriminated against, singled out and humiliated. I think that is the great challenge we face, to gradually remove prejudices. This is not exclusive to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. LGBTQ+ are also discriminated against by their families, in their jobs and even by governments. It is very common to read in Latin American newspapers about hate crimes against LGBTQ+, which is very painful. Many of us have had to face an episode of violence and discrimination at some point. If we add to that the economic and political crises in our countries, the outlook is getting worse.

Fortunately, human rights organizations have achieved some changes. Some years ago it was almost impossible to think that two people of the same sex could marry in a Latin American country, but now many countries have approved such marriages. Recently my country Mexico prohibited conversion therapies. I hope that very soon, with the generational change, the LGBTQ+ community in Latin America can be more secure.

4. What are your hopes for your new role as Affirmation Latin America Network Coordinator?

Affirmation has grown a lot in Latin America. More and more people see the work that is being done in the organization. The main challenge is to establish strong leadership that can give continuity to the work. One of the objectives now, after the pandemic, is for each country in Latin America to have a local presidency and regional conferences for Affirmation members in each country. That is where I want to concentrate my efforts. I want Affirmation to be a place of refuge for those who feel alone, not knowing what to do if they love someone but the church does not approve. To carry our message everywhere is very important. That is why I am putting a lot of attention on social networks to make ourselves more visible, because it is through these means that people find out about the existence of Affirmation.

5. What personal lessons have you learned that you would like to share with us?

The main lesson that I have learned from Affirmation is that life is so short and so fast that it need not be spent in secret or in fear. A long time ago I read on Instagram, “The closet is only for clothes.” We should not live ashamed of who we are. God gave us all a different and unique divine nature. Throughout our lives we have developed talents and abilities that deserve to be seen by others. Trying to hide can be an act of selfishness, not only for the people we can make happy by sharing our true personality, but also for ourselves.

I have the enormous blessing of having three younger brothers, the youngest now 11 years old. At a family reunion, we adults were looking for a thousand ways to explain why I want to have a boyfriend and my other brother has a girlfriend. He just said, “When it comes to love, it's the same.”

That makes me think that little by little, with the arrival of new generations, everything will improve even in the church. The day will come when no one will have to stay in the closet or suffer for loving someone of the same sex, but just concentrate on living, so that at the end of our time here on earth, we can be satisfied that we have had a life worth living.

Also see our 5-question interview with Valerie Green, a transgender woman.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash