Leadership roulette: hidden blessings, obvious cursings
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Leadership roulette means taking your chances that you will have a priesthood leader that is understanding of your situation, whatever it is. Despite priesthood leaders’ best efforts, some folks just don’t get it, but some do. The Handbook gives latitude to priesthood leaders to consider individual circumstances, but it can be confusing when similar situations result in very different outcomes.
I don’t need to elaborate on the cursings of leadership roulette. Chances are you or someone you know has experienced it firsthand. But here’s a hidden blessing, from Jeff Wise, cofounder of The Hearth. Jeff shared this insight, "Yes, leadership roulette is tough, but not many years ago there was no leadership roulette. Every church leader had the same answer, which was not an LGBTQ-affirming one. This is really a glass half full situation. Even if the glass isn’t half full, but it’s only a quarter full, that's better than the recent history of an empty glass or no glass at all.” Or, I would add, the glass smashed against the wall on the way out the door.
Here’s an example of someone who won at leadership roulette, Tom Christofferson:
When I knew that I wanted to deepen [my teenage spiritual] experiences, I felt a desire to know if I would be welcome — not some glossed-over version of myself, but the whole of me, being truthful about my life and experiences. I had begun to contribute fast offerings, and with one check I slipped in a note that I would like to meet with the bishop.
Bruce Larson, the bishop of the New Canaan Ward, had been in his position for only a few months. He was an investment banker at Goldman Sachs who, a couple of years earlier, had been asked to head their human resources department, including their diversity programs. In that role, he had come to know and respect LGBTQ colleagues in his firm. I told him of my background and of my desire to attend church meetings. He immediately said that I would be welcome, as would my partner, and that he looked forward to getting to know us. Bishop Larson said that the members of the ward were seeking to become better disciples of Christ, and since in that quest all are needed and wanted, he invited me to join that effort. . . .
He encouraged us to actively join Church meetings and activities. I asked the bishop what I should say to other members if they asked if I had a wife. He thought for a moment and then said, “Well, I don’t think it’s a good idea to lie at church, do you?” (Tom Christofferson, That We May Be One: A Gay Mormon’s Perspective on Faith and Family [Deseret Book, 2017], 94-95).
I yearn for the day when no one has to lie at church, but can be their authentic, real selves in a continuous circle of learning from each other and with each other. We need each other. Perhaps one day there will be no leadership roulette — not returning to the uniformly discouraging responses of the past, but arriving at unity of understanding in Christ.
-Marci